I wrote this one for my Dad (AKA John in the book) for Father's Day when I was in my early teens. My Mum recently found it in a dusty old card...

 

For my Dad

If all the fathers of the world, were to stand in a ten mile row,

All the different types and sizes, where d’you think you’d go?

 

If it were based on size of stomach, with the largest at the back,

You’d be happy stood near the end, nattering and having a snack.

 

If it were based on character, and the ability to produce smiles,

Give the rest a quick wave goodbye, as you’d beat them all by miles.

 

Oh but if based on noisy eating, I'm afraid you’d have to wait,

The quiet ones would be home before five, but you’d be there until late.

 

Now on the line of squishability, and whether you hug with glee,

Some dads would be there forever, whereas you’d be home for tea.

 

If based on shouting when you have to, you'd be one of the first through,

Well know to make one wee their pants, or even produce a poo!

 

So there you go dear father, you’ve really faired quite well,

Known to be super at all times, except when you make a smell.

 

If all the fathers of the world, were to stand in a ten mile queue,

With only the best ones allowed to go, you’d be the first one through.